Monthly Archives: May 1990

‘Wait’

‘Wait’ is one of my most embarrassing early pieces. I wrote it for a high school assignment and I still remember my teacher’s reaction — he thought I was genuinely suicidal! *grin* Nope, not in the least.
Anyroad, it’s embarrassing mainly because the inspiration and a couple of the lines and phrases were lifted straight from a Jim Morrison piece. I don’t know if it was conscious or if I had just been listening to him recently. Still, I don’t want to mess with something I wrote so long ago, so here it is in all its childish, plagiarising glory… *lol*

‘Wait’

In the beginning, things were different.
Just another ‘Love Boat’ couple, bodies entwined, satin sheets smudged with semen;
But no more.
Things change, we have changed.
Now, love is lost;
The sheets have become hot dead prisons.
She lies still beside me, long dark hair and soft white skin,
That cold vacant stare in her eyes-
Eyes that once were filled with lust, that shone with passion.

Quick, run to the bathroom mirror; see the age etched in stone on my face.
This face, this body, so wrinkled now, so useless.
What went wrong?
When did we grow so old?
When did I fail us?
The cold steel of the barrel soothes me as it passes my lips.
The taste of fresh polish, the faintest scent of sulphur.
A resounding click- my destiny awaits.
I wonder, will she really care that I have gone, or will she be relieved?
She doesn’t need me now, no one does.

Cancel my subscription to the ressurection- no god can save me now.
Soft explosion of colour and light, and the delicate sound of butterflies screaming.
My face upon the cool tiles now,
Feel the good hot stinging blood.
Everything looks so different from down here,
My head feels warm and wet.

She is beside me now, her flowing hair gently framing her face;
Her salty tears caress my cheek.
Dimly, I can hear her feeble moans, her plaintive entreaties:
“Don’t leave me.”
“I need you.”
“I love you.”
I can see her eyes now, clearly again, as I had not seen them in years,
The depth of love and the oceans of pain reflected by those delicate orbs.

I am overwhelmed.
My walls collapsing, I see myself;
I see what I have done.
I can see my Love again, kneeling there beside me as my life slips away.
She never really left me, did she?
It was I who locked my heart away,
Lost in greed and lust and anger.
How did I come to be this way?
What happened to the man I thought I was?
Was I ever truly alive?
What have I done?

A cool mist begins to envelop me;
I can no longer feel my body.
Darkness descends upon my mortal senses, and I feel an urgent tug towards Infinity.
Not yet, please, I can’t go yet!
I was wrong!
I want to live!
Please, wait……….