Monthly Archives: April 2001

Sick Again, But In A Good Mood

I spent 11 hours in hospital yesterday- I have a very bad viral infection. I spent all night Friday violent puking my guts out and have been living in trememdous back pain and headache since then. They did all sorts of yucky tests, including a spinal tap (“But this one goes to eleven!”), so now I know what the band/movie were named after!

I just got a call from an old friend (Howdy, Mr. Bear!), and that always helps to cheer a fellow up. He moved to Minnesoter some time back, and it’s been hard to keep in touch (I’m ever-so-bad at that). He’s doing well, and might get transfered out to Cali. *crossed fingers* Good luck, Bear!

Poetry Re-Vamp

I just completely re-did my Poetry section- added a Table of Contents and placed all of the poems on separate pages, added a few new ones, added descriptions to them all, etc. I also found a few more old ones, that I’m busy formatting now to place on-line.

Reminder to all of you cheap bastards out there: these poems are, umm, copyrighted to me, and I don’t want to hear about y’all stealing them just because I was mean enough, err, I mean nice enough to share them with you! You may copy them, print them, whatever you like, so long as the authorship is clearly and correctly attributed. They’re products of my personal daemons and delusions, and I want to keep them, mmm’kay?

{note: reference is to defunct version of this site.}

Back On-Line Again

Well, I’m finally back on-line after a few weeks. I had to take my own Web server down rather unexpectedly to cannibalise for spare parts when my oh-so-important file server started to act up again. This time, I’ve split my files across two different file servers and managed to add enough drives to employ proper fault tolerance (finally!). That should hold it for now.

Anyhoo, I set this new-ish system up with Debian and just copied my site over to it. I’m going through and making some edits when I realised just how spoilt I’ve gotten with these gigantic monitors- I had my resolution at 1024×768 when I first copied the site over, and as soon as I called up my favourite editor the deeply-nested tables I’d been using were all-but unreadable! I had to bring my resolution up to a more-readable 1280×1024 just to add these lines! I have ^got^ to find a better way to write HTML! One of these days I might end up back on a small monitor, and I’d be next to useless!

‘Little Thought Poem’

I just found this one on my laptop, right before I scrubbed the OS and re-instaled Mandrake (upgrade from 7.2 to 8.1). I remembered it immediately- I was sitting at a table in The Portfolio, a groovy little coffee house in Long Beach, not far from where I live.

‘Little Thought Poem’

thinking
      lost in a thought
            hidden away in clouded mind

thinking
      trying to find the surface
looking for the way out

does anybody know when this movie will end,
      or what it’s even about?

where does a thought go when it dies?
does it find its way back to you in its next life?
      or does it find a new home?

thinking
who owns my mind,
      owns my thoughts,
            gives me independence?

am I really independent?

‘Midnight Buddha’

Sitting in bed, very late at night, scribbling furiously in the dark. The ‘small grey cat’ mentioned is Stef, friend-David’s cat who has now been given to us (boy, is that a long and interesting story).

‘Midnight Buddha’

Finding Truth in a glass of water…
  Truth or Not-Truth, the water doesn’t care.
Buddha is the small grey cat,
  purring in the hidden language of enlightened discourse.
Purr softly, all beings;
  reach for the Buddha’s head and scratch it,
    caress its peaceful oblivion.
The blades of the fan lick my face with their cool fingers;
  my beard is wet and good-cold.
Buddha is gently suckling the blanket;
  a large wet spot is forming beneath her mouth.
My hair falls across my shoulders,
  tickling my back,
    blowing in the artificial breeze of the tall white fan.

‘Musings At The Block’

Just some random gibberish written at The Block At Orange.

‘Musings At The Block’

Pain in my foot
  Pain in my head
Walking, drinking, talking
  The night is loud
Music and people mingle
  Cigarette stench
The restaurant is closed
  My chicken is gone

‘On The Playground’

Lying in bed during an awful illness, I am lulled to sleep by the sound of children at play.

‘On The Playground’

Children playing at the school across the street.
  1200; it must be lunch time.
The once-brilliant blues and whites of their uniforms are soiled with tar and dirt.
Their laughter echoes through the neighbourhood,
  its falsetto cadences a dissonant music to lull me into sleep.
Childhood memories fill my dreams.
The many playgrounds of my past merge together into a great asphalt expanse;
  big toys, balls, jump-ropes, friends.
My own laughter now fills my head, as I re-live my carefree youth.
Pausing beside a great elm tree, catching my breath,
  I silently thank the children who brought me back here.

‘In Line At The Cinema’

Waiting at line at an AMC in Torrance, with David and Robin, April 2001.

‘In Line At The Cinema’

In line at the cinema,
  another B movie waits.
Sounds of conversation all around me as a chill wind whips through the carpark.
My friend David is freezing;
  I can’t understand because I don’t feel cold at all!
It’s never cold in Torrance, CA.
Tickets in hand, we file inside.
Waiting for popcorn-
  I don’t know why, but I think it’s expected of us.
The girl at the counter is silent and motionless.
  I wonder if she’s alive until her hand extends to claim my money.
Boring music on the speakers-
  Sitting through the singles that Corporate America wants to flog this week,
  we watch the adverts flash by on the big screen before the feature begins.
One wonders if they make more money from the adverts or the tickets.
I hope the movie doesn’t suck.