This pile of monkey excrement was just (Dec. 2003) discovered in a text file on one of my computers. I laughed once or twice, so it may have some value to me in the distant future, and I figured, why not post it? This is the sort of deranged nonsense no-one ought to share with friends much less ‘publish’. Why I choose to to-night, I have no idea… I must be in a queer sort of mood.
‘Golden God Rants’
I am a great golden god!
I am the chocolate in your bowl of tomato soup!
Fear me, for I have mastery over all minerals,
and command of the squirrels and chipmunks!
A single spar design is more efficient, and weighs less.
The clock is about to strike 13, and I will become a pink bunny.
Jewels have no place aboard a sinking raft,
and I am a lonely, lonely man, grasping at the air.
Did you know a single raindrop can hold the entire universe?
Take the Green Path, and know meaning.
What does a nova taste like?
Can you bottle joy?
Where is my spirit-animal? I wish to touch it.
The rat runs through the room, ethereal, incorporeal.
Jesus once told me, "Son, you’ve got to have life insurance."
So I said, so I said, "Jesus, you’re dead, you know that?"
And he said, "."
And that’s the truth.
I can speak Hebrew, in my dreams.
Where the oliphants go, no one knows.
What’s that buzzing? In my ear? Is it an aeroplane?
I hate Texas.
E-mail is a sure-fire cure for boredom.
It’s March in Sri Lanka, and the Tamils are fighting again.
Automobile, automobile, sing to me of death and taxes!
"Ding, dong, the witch is dead, the witch is dead."
There’s a lot of death in this room?
The iced cream Mexican plays his song,
over and over,
the same refrain.
Doen’t he get tired of it?
Does he even know who’s movie this is?
Buddha the cat asks for a treat,
and this missive is cut short.